You may have noticed I have added a new song to the blog... Thought it was time for a bit of an inspirational uplifting one, as I try and get my head around the last few months with miscarrying our bub and all that!
When this song originally came out on the radio a couple of years back, I thought it was OK, but nothing special. It wasn't until I went to a conference about a year ago for National Caesarean Awareness Day that I actually listened to the lyrics. They are pretty powerful!!
Most of you know I had Charlotte via C-section and wasn't very happy at all about it (for a million reasons that I won't go into here). Since her birth I have had some contact with a support group called Birthrites: Healing After Caesarean (the conference organisers). I know, I know, it sounds like some hippy, airy fairy, tree hugging kind of group - it is anything but that. It is run by a group of amazingly supportive women who have each had at least one C-section, and many have since had a Vaginal Birth After Caesarean (VBAC).
(Gosh, I really am digressing, I promise I will get back to the significance of the song... bear with me).
I went to the Birthrites group meeting yesterday. It was the first time I had been since losing our baby. In fact, the last time I went in February I was announcing our new pregnancy. I walked in there dreading the inevitable questions about the pregnancy as most were unaware of the miscarriage. Thankfully I was running late, so I missed the usual casual chat before group. I sat down in the circle of women just as they were announcing the day's topic, which was "How has having a caesarean changed you for the better or worse?". I wasn't looking forward to it coming round to me. And I was tempted to speak about how it had affected me negatively. However, when it was my turn I told the group that I had unfortunately miscarried our baby. I shared that I feel that having a unwanted c-section has made me a lot stronger and assertive when it comes to me and my body. And that as a result of this I chose not to have medical intervention when losing the baby, instead trusting my body and the baby to do what it was supposed to do. This was a positive thing - even though it doesn't sound like it. I am sure I wouldn't have felt this way a couple of years back.
When I was driving home from the Birthrites meeting yesterday this song came on the radio and it reminded me of sitting with my wonderful, supportive friend Chris at that conference listening to the words, and watching the most amazing slideshow of beautiful birth, baby and family photos. The music was up loud and the images of women, all of which were VBACing, was the most inspiring thing to watch. I was bawling my eyes out as I watched, as was half of the room, and I remembered thinking that this song was a perfect theme song for me!!! Not only in regards to birth, but also generally in life!
So there it is... the longest and probably most personal post I have written on the blog, and you were probably hoping just for some Charlotte photos. But I needed to get it down on paper, and wanted to let you know the significence of the song. Thanks for hanging in there!!! And I promise I'll post some Charlotte photos tomorrow.
Love & Hugs
Cass xoxo
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